I am a HUMAN DOING becoming a HUMAN BEING.
Last Sunday night, I reflected for two nice long silent hours after the kids went to bed. I reviewed the pace and rhythm of my week, I looked at each day and this is how they went:
Monday: Submit workshop description to two new clients
Tuesday: Korean class for one hour, coaching session, and business partner call
Wednesday: Lunch/Networking event, business call
Thursday: Business call, go to Korean DMV to get car registered
Friday: First Workshop - Intro to Personal Development, coaching session
Saturday: Swimming class with the kids and Happiness Course
Sunday: Buy one daughter new shoes, spend time with kids
When I reflected on my work week, I felt rushed and disorganized. When I reflected on my time with my kids, I felt overwhelmed by the constant "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY."
During the Happiness Course I was taking, I talked about all the guilt I had with my kids, like I need to be a better mom, but just didn't know how. I knew I would get cranky, irritated, and annoyed when I didn't get enough sleep, and I blamed it all on myself and submitted to the belief that maybe this is what motherhood is about...never-ending tiredness. But deep down, I didn't want to believe this. This is how I've felt for the past five years, feeling like I'm never getting it right, for every good day, there are four chaotic days. As a Coach, I constantly coach myself, asking "How do I want to FEEL around my children?" HAPPY, ENGAGED, JOYFUL, and PRESENT. But I never asked myself, "How do I want to FEEL about my WORK?"
When I look at my work, they are to-do lists, tasks, calls, meetings. Just as my kids say "MOMMY, MOMMY, MOMMY" my work says "DO, DO, DO." I realized that I do not give myself the space to BE, BE, BE.
Going back to the Happiness Course, the instructor offered me feedback, "The way you are emotionally breathing, the way you are managing life, is what you are teaching your kids." I stopped, my mind became silent. He was right, I'm in WORK MODE - all the time - at home, during the week, with the kids, at swim class - everywhere. How do I just BE?
That evening, I set my intentions for the following week. And I did something I never did before, I asked myself, "At the end of this week, how do I want to feel?" GOOD TIRED, CONNECTED, THANKFUL, RECHARGED, FORWARD MOMENTUM, PEACE.
I intentionally made SPACE in my schedule to JUST BE - to do something random and not planned or quietly sit with myself and my thoughts.
This week, has been one of my best weeks, one of my most balanced weeks, where I started being a HUMAN BEING again.
I understand this is hard, especially if you have a crazy job, a long commute, and family to take care of, but I urge you to stop and reflect on the rhythm of your life. Are you enjoying your day to day? Are you present? Are you happy? Are you getting recharged? Are you just BEING? I am learning, after all these years, that no matter how much we accomplish, no matter how much money we make, no matter how busy our lives get, just know that YOU ARE ALREADY AWESOME AND ENOUGH. You don't have to keep DOING to feel more. You can just BE and feel the amazing life force already in you. You are a beautiful human being with an awesome soul, take care of your needs, create space in your life, to just BE.
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